The Trans Experience – Pee Pitch

The first in a series of funny things I’ve learned that other trans people face, making this the ultimate in “you’re not alone” series.

Last week in my trans peer group, I learned that others worry about “pee pitch” in the restroom. That is, the sound, of your pee. Someone brought up using public restrooms and how much of a nightmare that can be…in general, but especially for trans folks. Eventually the conversation turned to something I didn’t know was a common thing trans folks worry about: “can people clock me because my pee doesn’t sound the same as cis people?”

Yes, as trans folks we live in constant fear of being found out and confronted, hassled, or physically attacked. In the massive slate of anti-trans legislation out there trying to create a society unfriendly to transgender people, making sure we aren’t welcome or safe in bathrooms has turned up the heat on the self-consciousness we already feel when we need to wee in public. Trying to “fit in” by making sure your pee is hitting at the right pitch and rate sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, but almost everyone in the group chimed in and affirmed that it was a concern for them.

As the host of the peer group, one aspect of this felt great to me because I’m always trying to make sure everyone feels included in the conversation. There are times where the topic shifts to something unique to trans masc folks and others unique to trans femmes, and luckily, this one seemed to be a universal experience.

So there you have it. Pee pitch is a thing. Many trans folks are concerned with it early in their transition. Even in your own stall, sweating over your pee, you are not alone.

Emily Michelle

The Trans Experience – Find Your Joy

Last night in transgender peer group, a member was struggling with the question “how do you KNOW you’re trans?”. They are unsure about moving forward with transition because of the things in their life that will be disrupted or completely eliminated if they began medical transition.

This is a very common feeling and concern among trans people. Being unsure if you’re trans, or more specifically “trans enough” is something we all struggle with. We are taught our whole lives that it is wrong to be effeminate if you’re a boy and manly if you’re a girl…and being trans, well that’s just weird and terrible; you should never be that. So, as we grow up we learn to fight our feelings and what we know inside to be our true nature. Then, when we start to question if we are trans, we have to deal with three things that come together against us.

First is all of the negativity, stereotypes, and animosity society has towards people who don’t conform to the standard view of their birth gender. Second is our own indoctrinated and internalized fears and prejudices against trans people; a lot of times it’s our own internalized transphobia that proves harder to overcome than any rejection from greater society. The third component is the one I want to focus on today: the denial and the way we “gaslighting” ourselves in order to ignore, hide, and shove down our true feelings and gender identity.

One member’s response to “how do you KNOW?” was beautiful and simple: find your joy. The tool she suggested was to look at scenarios in your daily life and lay out for yourself two paths, one that matches your birth gender role, one that goes a different way. Then ask yourself, if I go with the presentation (clothing, mannerisms, name, pronouns, etc.) I’m supposed to, how will I feel? If I go the other way, how will I feel? Then just listen to your heart and to your body. Which idea gives you feelings of joy? Then do the more joyful version. Shift your life to thinking in terms of which presentation and identity makes you happier. Find your joy in everything you do.

It was a wonderful solution that resonated so well with me. But what happened later helped add even more clarity to the situation.

I hung around in the parking lot for an hour after the meeting talking one-on-one with the member who was struggling. They expressed at some point that they were concerned about the joy solution because they feel so numb to joy. At least joy in their identity.

And this is the big issue with transitioning later in life. We spend so much of our lives suppressing our feelings, our desires, and our true identity to fit into the box of our birth gender that we get great at gaslighting ourselves. We have convinced ourselves that what we want and what we feel is not right and not valid. Then we learn to actively stomp out and reject any feelings of joy we have in thoughts and expressions that are incongruent with our assigned gender.

We dismantle our ability to find joy in anything other than what we’re supposed to be and do. And since we’re not living authentically, the things that do bring us joy in other aspects of life still end up feeling a bit hollow in an indescribable way. Even the things we like don’t truly bring us joy because of this conflict and the fact that we’re faking so much of our lives.

We then lose all sense of joy and the negative voice inside has an outsized role in dictating our behavior and our decisions. My hypothesis is that it’s a survival mechanism we adapt as children because we believe that if we give in and indulge some of our impulses that break the mold, it’ll be a slippery slope and we won’t be draw or hold lines to keep us safe. We’ll reach a point where we find joy in an existence that is wrong and doesn’t fit in our world. And once we get to that point, once we’ve gotten a true taste of the other side, it would be excruciating and impossible to revert and live the life we need to in order to fit in, and frankly, to survive in society.

In our minds, the only way to survive is to keep up the ruse by playing the role the world says that you’re supposed to perform and the only way that’s going to be possible is to reject and stomp down those things we know would bring us true joy. And thus, our joy meter is broken.

So, then, how do you repair that? How do you look at things and know what’s going to bring you joy, versus bringing pain and loss? I have some thoughts.

First, in the joy thought experiment, you have to remove consequence from the equation. You can’t consider what your spouse will think or how it will affect your job or your friendships. This is simply a thought experiment to identify what brings you joy. So you have to strip it to that base level and look at just that: If I put on a skirt instead of pants, how would that make me feel? If someone told me I was handsome instead of beautiful, how would that make me feel? Break it up into the smallest components and examine those things. Do your best to allow yourself to get excited about things that might scare you if you thought about the big picture.

I think I accomplished this in my journey when I decided to give myself one year to do and wear what I wanted and without asking questions. I wasn’t going to worry about why, or what it meant, or try to analyze whether it was valid or not. For one whole year, I was just going to give myself the room to be and see how it felt; to do what made me happy without boundaries. Then, after that year, I would examine the outcomes and the feelings and try to decide what it all meant.

I’ll be honest, it led to some painful experiences as well. I was able to do this because I was separated from my wife at the time and the purpose of that time apart was for me to “see what this was”. We had a date night and when we went to have sex, my wife laughed at me. I had laid out in a bikini the week before, a thing that brought me immense joy, and had a bikini tan line, which then elicited a negative reaction.

BUT, even situations like that, which were painfully embarrassing, I had been able to finally find great joy in who I was, so those things couldn’t stop me. I continued to do the things that brought me joy. And honestly, while it was a bit embarrassing in the moment, it wasn’t as bad for me at the time as it is in retrospect. Because I was on a high from being able to be myself. And nothing could really bring me down from that and spoil it.

Again, yes, that is exactly what we fear as transgender people. The momentum that we can’t stop (and don’t want to stop), which the logical and the negative sides of our brain see as leading to a road of ruin. And while, in many cases, transition does disrupt a lot of things in our life, that ability to finally find true joy in everything ends up being worth the discomfort and the disruption of the changes that must occur for us to get there.

J.K. Rowling compares transgender activist to Death Eaters in latest anti-trans comments

On the podcast ironically called the Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling, the staunchly anti-trans author equates transgender advocates to Death Eaters, the villains from the Harry Potter series. She says that, in her books, “The Death Eaters claimed, ‘We have been made to live in secret, and now is our time, and any who stand in our way must be destroyed. If you disagree with us, you must die.”

This is typical of the false statements and assertions by Rowling and the anti-trans movement that trans people are part of some movement to take away the rights and safety of women, with the most incendiary and egregious part of her quote insinuating that the trans community wants those against us to die. 

One of the issues many of us have with her statement is the phrase “disagree with us”. This is harmful because it perpetuates the myth that being transgender is a choice based on an ideology and doesn’t acknowledge the fact of our actual existence. There’s nothing to agree with. Trans people are here, we exist, we push back against harmful rhetoric and the people that spew it because it’s dangerous and we need it to stop. The problem in so many of these cases is the internet. The anonymity of the internet often leads to conflict and threats, which people like Rowling then take to be the public voice of the “movement” and evidence that the community is violent by nature and thus worthy of violence in return.

Sources: Inside the Magic

Proposed Florida bill would ban diversity and inclusion at universities

Florida representatives put forth a bill that would ban diversity and inclusion programs on university campuses. In an epic pendulum swing away from the affirmative action moves initiated in the 1960s under President Kennedy, HB 999 bars postsecondary educational institutions from funding “any programs or campus activities that espouse diversity, equity, or inclusion or Critical Race Theory rhetoric” either directly or “through a contract, grant, or agreement.” 

It also interestingly removes language from the state requiring that schools provide students with an opportunity to be politically active and civically engaged as well as removing non-profits and community organizations from the list of internship opportunities that should be provided to students. 

VaultedPolitics on Twitter stated in a tweet that students should plan ahead for this bill and the resulting removal of more than 15 fraternities and sororities that support diverse student inclusion, Jewish studies, feminist theory, and gender studies courses as well  as centers and programs for black, latinx, Asian, and LGBTQIA+ students.

Source: The Hill

Arsonist endangers lives over hateful ideology

A drive-by arsonist set fire to a pride flag in an act of hate in New York on Monday, February 20th. The rainbow flag adorned with the words “Make America Gay Again” was flying in front of The Little Prince restaurant in the SoHo area of the city. There’s good video of the perpetrator with straight, burgundy dyed hair pulled back into a ponytail, getting out of a white Honda CRV (2020-2022 model), walking over quickly and lighting the flag on fire before hopping back into the passenger seat of the SUV while the driver speeds off. The fire burned much of the facade of the restaurant as well as the fire escape for the apartments above.

The fire started shortly after 1:35 am at the building on Prince street. According to officials, 12 Fire Department units and 60 firefighters and emergency medical responders in total were called in for the incident. Luckily, they were able to extinguish the fire before anyone was hurt and only the outside of the building was damaged, including some cracked windows.

Fire burns the facade of The Little Prince restaurant as fire fighters work to put out the flames.

“What we saw in the video was a hate crime,” Councilmember Erik Bottcher said in a statement to the press. “Someone who intended to strike fear into our entire community…Our resolve is only strengthened when acts like this happen.” Botcher helped show the solidarity of the community by putting up an even larger pride flag in front of the restaurant. “We are standing up in the face of this hate and reasserting our pride in ourselves and our community. That’s why we hung the flag again.”

D and C Landscaping also stepped forward, donating their services and replacing the flowers hanging on the front of the restaurant. With the quick response of the community and workers getting the place back in shape, the restaurant was nearly ready to open later that same day.

The news of this incident is all over social media and with clear video of her face, the hateful arsonist will hopefully be caught and brought to justice fairly quickly.

If you have any information regarding this incident, please call the NYPD’s Crime Stoppers Hotline at 1-800-577-TIPS (8477) or for Spanish, 1-888-57-PISTA (74782). You can also submit tips by logging onto the CrimeStoppers website at or on Twitter @NYPDTips. All calls are strictly confidential.


New York Times

ABC 7 News

IncrediblyTrans Spotlight Christine!

I’d like to introduce the absolutely amazing Christine (She/Her) from The United States!

I was 39 when my youngest son passed away at age 8. It was the most horrific event of my life. As time moved on I kept thinking “Anyone can die at anytime in an instant”. Which is what set me on my path to becoming the real me. By the time I was 44 I finally found the strength inside to tell my family I was transgender. And so I did, first my wife, then my mother in law and finally my two oldest children. After a lot of heart ache and pain, 4 years later I’m the happiest, smiliest girl that I know and loaded with self confidence and pride. I love myself so much. I’m so happy about the woman I’ve become. Mentally healthy, stable and full of self worth.

Christines advice: Always be your true self. Be brave and let your inner self fly.

Use our hashtag #IncrediblyTrans today! it really helps us out. Let’s celebrate each other TOGETHER!
✨ If you’d like to become one of the next spotlight’s please send us a message and we’ll send you a form for you to fill out!

Insidious 2

This podcast contains SPOILERS and also a big Trigger warning. There is a large section of this movie that deals with gender presentation and the idea of a man in a dress as a serial killer and we talk about it. It’s a good conversation but it’s understandable if any of the trans and gender diverse part of the audience would like to skip it. Check the time codes and check in with yourself. We love you, listeners. In addition to that we spend some time discussion the manufacture of rocking horses, the importance of FOIP and a plea to let people use their regular accents in movies if they are not the best at impersonating another one.

Time codes
00:00:23 Introductions
00:11:48 Trailer

00:13:45 Post movie discussion
00:41:08-01:02:45 Talking about gender representation in movies and the weird twist this movie uses that is almost entirely negative to the plot.

01:28:22 SPOTEM

01:31:14 Ratings and would we watch again

01:41:41 Something to Cheer Section!

Next week we take a dive back into that wild wild time of the late 1990s and watch the meta movie to end all meta movies, Scream.

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50th Episode Bonus Bonanza!

Wow! Y’all. We hit a huge milestone for us with 50 episodes of Nothing to Fear.

In this very special bonus episode the hosts with the ghosts talk about their top five favourite movies that we’ve watched so far. Please do listen and enjoy! 

Note. There will likely be spoilers for MANY of the movies we have watched in the past year.

Thanks to everyone for being loyal listeners as we learn a bit how to put together a show. Can’t wait to see what the next 50 episodes have in store for us!

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The Lighthouse

This Podcast contains spoilers.

Have we been doing this show for 50 episodes or 2? No way to know but that won’t stop us from talking about Robert Eggers’ 2019 film, The Lighthouse. You may be asking yourself just how many times can three people say the word ‘Protean’ in a single podcast. You will have to listen along to answer that question.
Also, stay tuned for some special fun cameo appearances by Luke’s spooky door, his sister Joelle and, introducing, random dude who came to buy something they had put on kijiji. It’s certainly more fun than being mad at a one-eyed seagull that’s for sure.

After you’ve listened, support us on the show by leaving us a rating and a review and subscribing or heading on over to TeePublic and buying one of our shirts. OR we have some of those merch items available on Society6 as well. 

Episode Time Codes
00:00:23 – Introduction
00:07:35 – Trailer
00:08:57 – Post movie chats
00:42:28-00:45:00 – TW abuse/alcoholism talks
00:58:11-01:02:41 – TW alcoholism talks
01:28:08 – SPOTEM
01:29:55 – Ratings/Would you watch this again
01:37:26 – Something to Cheer
01:39:55 – Reviews/Thanks/Credits

Next week we are going a bit The Further and watching Insidious II. 2nsidious? Insid-two-us. We’ll work on it.

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